


The Completely Random Sexual Tension Of One Direction

by orphan_account



Category: Hunger Games (2012), Narnia (kind of), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fantasy, M/M, Magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-27
Updated: 2012-12-27
Packaged: 2017-11-22 15:23:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/611291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically this is a story about a wizard boy, Harry and his four friends that he goes on a quest with to determine who they are all truely inlove with...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Completely Random Sexual Tension Of One Direction

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't take this seriously. It litterally was completely randomly written. I wrote this collab at school in the middle of classes with a friend of mine. We did a section each, wich somehow turned into this frighteningly odd fic.

Zayn reaches out and grabs his hand before he could leave. His heart raced as Liam looked back to him with his eyes red and teary. “I said I was sorry!” Zayn cries out for forgiveness.  
“Don’t talk bullshit to me! I know you kissed him… What we were meant nothing to you, did it?” Liam chokes out with his tears streaming down his cheeks. “I gave you my heart you arsehole! All I ever was to you was a stupid fucking game.”  
“That’s not true.” Zayn shakes his head. He pulls Liam in closer to him by the wrist, catching him around the waist before he has even the slightest chance to escape. “I love you.”  
“If you loved me you wouldn’t have kissed Niall.” Liam pouts, ducking his head away from what was his boyfriend. Now he just wasn’t so sure. He could barely look at him without remembering walking into that room to find Zayn wrapped around Niall on his bed with their mouths pressed messily together. That really hurt him, just seeing that.  
“It meant nothing. He kissed me first!”  
“But you kissed him back?” Liam shoots a glare back at him. Zayn stares for a moment. His mouth drops open to answer, but he falls speechless. He did kiss him back. He couldn’t help it. A blond boy he feels is pretty fucking attractively adorable threw himself at him and he gave in to it. He didn’t think about what the outcome could’ve possibly been. It just happened. Liam was just there at the wrong time. Zayn swears he was about to pull away, but before he had the chance to the door swung open and Liam stood there in astonishment. Zayn tried to explain, but before he could Liam was in tears, sprinting away from the scene. He didn’t understand how Zayn could’ve done that to him. Their relationship was one of perfection until that point. “Do you like him?” Liam asks, even though he was more afraid of the answer than what he had witnessed.  
“No! Liam… You’re all there is to me.” Zayn sneaks his hand down to comfortably grasp Liam’s hand. He entwines his fingers in amongst the gaps of Liam’s and clutches his hand tightly. “Niall’s just a friend. You’re more than that.”  
“Yeah!” he screams in his face. “I’m your toy too aren’t I?!” he forces his way out of Zayn’s embrace, stumbling back uneasily. “You kiss me, you hold me and you say bullshit that someone as gullible as me would believe. You fucking played me!”  
“No… I meant all of that. I still mean it!” he reaches out for Liam’s hand again, but before he’s even close he flinches back.  
“Go back to your new bitch Zayn. I can’t be with you anymore. I won’t allow myself to fall for you again.” Liam turns, shaking his head shamefully.  
“Please don’t leave me.” Zayn pleads, but it’s too late as Liam leaves ducking around the corner, disappearing completely from his sights.  
Niall’s quick to show up. He’d followed them out, feeling guilty, but even more desperate for some sort of love. He goes for the comfort of reaching out for Zayn, looking at him with his widened, pale blue puppy eyes. Zayn ignores him and slaps his hands off his wrist to go run for Liam, because right now he needed to fix things. However, Liam didn’t want fixing. He wanted to hurt Zayn just as badly as he had been hurt by him, if not even more. Just to his luck Louis spontaneously comes out of nowhere and decides to take his shirt off, trying to randomly seduce whoever was in the hallway. Liam glances at him mouth opened and gawping, completely and utterly enticed by his sexiness and he runs up and kisses him, slamming their mouths roughly against each other’s. Zayn stumbles upon them in time to see them kiss and his eyes widen before he uncontrollably weeps.  
“IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF REVENGE!?” He yells, anger filling his voice. The other two continue kissing paying little to no attention to the hysterical boy. Niall caught up to Zayn, breathless as he laid eyes on the two Ls of the group full on making out (and without Harry’s consent! SHOCKING!). Niall catches him around the torso and hugs the angry Mr Malik, only to find himself slapped in the face. Niall’s eyes run with tears and he frolics off (like a little wuss) and cries all the way to his secret tree place to look at his secret stash of Zayn porn and Liam porn (don’t worry Niam fans), that he’d gathered himself, and wanked off.  
(Back to Zayn)  
Zayn drags Liam off of Louis-who was still shirtless. Their mouths full of saliva (unsure of whose was whose) and running down their chin after the intense rush of testosterone and adrenalin.  
“Why did you do that!?” Zayn yells in frustration. Liam remained quiet and only paying notice to the still half naked Louis. Zayn yanks Liam’s hand to regain his attention, when suddenly from nowhere Niall comes running back from his secret tree place and strips his pants off.  
“YOU’RE MINE LIAM JAMES PAYNE!” Niall yells as he prances to the oh so wet mouthed Liam. They slam their lips together and continued to kiss even though Louis was trying to force the two off from one another. They were stuck like glue, yet before he knew it, he was wriggled in between the two. Zayn watches as the three did their thing, his mouth propped wide open. Holymuthrfuckr.  
Harry Styles, the boy with the beautiful hair, comes strutting in looking glamorous. He flips his hair back and forth and the three boys continue to do their thing. They were all overwhelmed by his hair flipping but they still continue to kiss and… you know what. A lot of hands… “You guys, do you know what you’re doing?” Harry asks, only to get no response. The three continue and Zayn gives up on being left out and starts to strip. He attempts to join the threesome, but only to get rejected.  
“Wh-why?” He whines as the three push him away. They ignore and continue.  
Harry however decides to continue to watch the epic erotica as he eats a piece of popcorn from the kitchen, when he suddenly yells; “I SUMMON THE ALMIGHTY RED DRAGON!” Red flame fills the entire room and a dragon appears, the dragon burning all the clothes off of the 1D baby boy. Zayn looks at him as Harry’s hands are engulfed in a red fireball.  
“H-Harry… you…” Zayn paused.  
“Yes, Zayn?” He replied.  
“You’re a wizard Harry!” He yelled, but Harry just smiled sheepishly.  
Louis turns his gaze over to the boy with the green eyes, the majestic puff of brunette hair, the dragon behind his shoulder and the now revealed four fucking nipples. He scrambles out from between the other two horny dudes and drops to his knees in front of this younger boy that he’d suddenly decided to see as a god (a.k.a his flat mate and band mate Harry Styles). “You never said.” He gasps in wonder.  
“You never asked.” Harry responds with his deep, smooth-spoken voice. He reaches out his hand and places it on Louis shoulder with the fire disappearing from his hands as they make contact with Louis’ flesh. “I never knew how to tell you.” He admits with his smile still prominent on his lips. “Louis… Zayn, Niall, Liam…” he looks to each one of them (Niall and Liam stopping their little fondle session to pay attention), his eyes enchanting and snatching up their souls, “I’m from Hogwarts. I am the wizard of love. I’ve mastered all the spells from making someone fall in love to making someone make love. And also the awesome power to summon dragons and unicorns.”  
The other four boys stare bewildered and unable to comprehend the sudden confession. Of all the years they’ve been together as a group this was the first time even the mere mention of wizards had actually been brought up, but this was just too much and too fast, and too naked. And as Harry lifted his hand from Louis shoulder and placed it back by his side Louis felt himself shiver and soon after shatter just because he was disappointed that Harry would ever let him go (metaphorically or physically). It never even crossed Louis’ mind that any of the boys or even all of the boys were under one of Harry’s spells. Although that would explain why they’re like this now. Obsessed with sex and trying so desperately to find the one they truly love. You see Louis thought he was in love with his girlfriend, but recently he ruled out that that one wasn’t so accurate, because he found himself falling for someone else, Harry Styles. The only thing was that every now and then Liam popped up in his mind and sometimes he wanted him more. He hadn’t known who to choose. Liam on the other hand loved all the guys sometimes some more than others, but you see, he switched between the guys so quickly, too quickly to make a choice, but when Zayn suddenly, and for the first time revealed his feelings for him he took the chance, because at that time Zayn was the one he loved the most. Right now he thinks he’s in love with Niall. Niall had fallen in love with Liam almost instantly, but liked to deny it, especially to Zayn and Harry, just because he was sort of in love with them too. It took longer, but he loved them just as much. Zayn was more complicated he loved Liam, but never liked to pass up a chance to mess around with Niall… and maybe if he had a chance with Louis he would take that too.  
“I have a task for all you bitches.” Harry grins. “All five of us shall go on a mystical quest to determine who we all really are in love with.”  
“So what’s with the dragon?” Niall questions in his heavy Irish accent, accompanied by the roar of the dragon soon following after.  
“Plumpkin here,” Harry gestures to the dragon behind him, “he’s gonna fly us over to our first adventure. Hop on guys!” Harry prances over to clamber onto the dragon’s back, still butt naked. Surprisingly the other band mates follow after him, lining up one behind the other with their hands groping at one another’s hips, more just because they want to even though they used the excuse of balance. “Off we go!” Harry shouts out. He gives the dragon a little slap on the side and it begins to run.  
The dragon ran fast, so, very, ultra, fast. It jumped from one dimension to another, making some of the boys at the back puke out… rainbows?  
“Rainbows? Seriously? You guys can do better than that.” Harry says as he drives the dragon into the sky, sea and sometimes even the ground.  
“Ugghh, this jumping from one dimension to another is making me… *Blleerrgghh*” Complains Niall, who was also still, oh so very naked. Zayn doesn’t mind puking out rainbow, in fact, he loves it! Everyone else thinks he’s just high from one of his slightly dodgy smelling cigarettes. Everyone was puking out rainbow peacefully until a huge, gorgeous unicorn popped up in front of them.  
“NEEIIGGHHH~!! (Oh hai der)” Said the mystical unicorn.  
“What do you want Mr.Gaylord?” Harry asks, already annoyed by its presence.  
“Neeeieeeieieighghggh (I see you’ve brought me some boys to eat~!)” Gaylord replies. Harry frowns, he isn’t happy that he is being greeted like this, besides these guys are HIS (Harry’s).  
“Look, we’re in a hurry here Mr-“  
“HOLY SHIT. A UNICORN!?” Interrupts Niall, “HOW IN THE FU-“  
“Shut up Niall! No swearing!” says Zayn. The unicorn stares at them bewilderedly and poofs off. Harry was relieved. Thank god Zayn and his manly quiff of hair was able to scare him off.  
“Harry. I can’t believe you can talk to unicorns!” Louis chanted out gleefully, hugging his arms tighter around Harry’s torso. Harry grins proudly.  
“ROAOAORORROAOROROROROARORORO” Says the mighty Plumpkin.  
“Okay, we’ll get you food later!” Replies Harry. And before they know it, they are jumping dimensions again. Niall feels sick.  
After a couple of minutes have passed, they reach at a cave, a LOVE cave. There, three male angels stand at the door. Wearing nothing but a piece of cloth covering their ding dongs.  
“YOU SHALL NOT PASS.” Says one of the angels, the other two echo his words. They wave around their erected ‘staff’ as if they were special, but they were certainly long. Liam, Niall, Zayn and Louis just stare, amazed at the size of their staffs. Harry steps up and decides to talk to the three little men.  
“We’re here to determi-“  
“NO!” One of the angels interrupts him. He looks tiny and scrawny, but his staff is no joke.  
When they were in the middle of talking, Bobby (the elf) came out of nowhere, wearing panties on his head and suddenly yelling. “Bobby is free elf now. So fun.” He says as his face turns red.  
Then another arrived, one with a bra on his head. “Fun… I want more!” He yells as he charges towards one of the angels and before long, it becomes a foursome (between the angels and the random elf with a bra on its head). Of course way before they started having ‘fun’ the One Direction boys were gone, seeing as though that was the perfect opportunity to sneak past.  
“I’m never coming with you guys anywhere, EVER again.” Says Zayn with a frown.  
“I… really wanted to join them…” Harry mumbles, dragging Niall along with him by his hand.  
Louis stares jealously at the sight of Harry and Niall walking into the Love Cave with their fingers casually entwined between each other’s. He began thinking to himself, is Niall just chasing after Harry now for his awesome powers? Because Louis genuinely loves Harry and Niall can’t take that from him if he’s just being a total gold-digger… or magic-digger. He’s about to call out to them or interrupt their little lovey-dovey scene when he spots Liam out of the corner of his eye. Liam, the beautiful, naked boy of his every second dream. He spins around on one foot and offers out his hand for Liam to take a hold of. Liam smiles back at him with a grin widening largely on his pink lips. He takes his hand after giving him a little once over. So there they walk, close behind Harry and Niall deeper into the dark, cold cave. Zayn gets a little jelly so attaches himself onto Liam’s spare hand. No matter how much Liam hated him for cheating, he still took his hand willingly and held him in close. He still loves him.  
“Where are we meant to be going?” Niall asks, nuzzling his head to rest on Harry’s shoulder. “I’m hungry. I want Nandos.”  
“I’m cold. I want clothes.” Complains Zayn with a pout on his pouty lips.  
Niall looks over his shoulder and lets his eyes wonder all over Zayn. “I’m happy with you just like that actually.” He smirks. “There’s always something else I could devour…”  
“Niall!” Liam groans unhappily.  
“Whaat?” he chuckles back at him. “You’re pretty easy on the eyes too babe. I’m hungry enough for seconds.” He glances back to Harry. “Maybe even desert too.”  
Harry smacks Niall in the back of the head to stop him flirting, ‘cause flirting was his darn thing. “Guys shush. We’re finally at our first of our adventures!” Harry nods toward the doors in front of them. One saying “Room of mirrors” and the other saying “Room of sharp objects and certain death”. “So which shall we choose?” Harry asks. The others bluntly choose the room of mirrors. Because what could possibly go wrong with mirrors, whereas sharp objects kill people.  
Harry steps up to the door, dropping Niall’s hand on his way. His hand wraps around the handle and slowly he pushes it open. A gleaming, bright reflected light beams out at them from the inside the room, overwhelming them completely until their eyes eventually adjust. They step inside. The room is filled with mirrors on every wall. It’s a mirror maze.  
“Well,” Liam smiles “we’re not getting anything done by standing out here.”  
“You’re right. Let’s go.” Zayn eccentrically takes the initiative, pushing past the rest and being the first to step into the room of mirrors and… who knows what.  
The five boys enter the mirror room, darting their eyes back and forth between mirrors, looking at their own and each other’s awesome nakedness. Zayn in particular couldn’t stop looking at himself and his awesomely sized hotdog. Everyone else walks through the mirror maze effortlessly, not fazed by their reflection one bit (well not enough to lose sight of the other boys). After a long while of walking, nearly reaching the other end of the mirror maze Harry turns, to the others to explain what they’re meant to be doing there and as he does he realises that Zayn’s gone. Not a woosh of dark hair in sight.  
“Umm guys, where’s Zayn?” He asks. Everyone else turns to him and stares deeply into Harry’s ding dong—I mean his face. Hehehe.  
“What are you guys looking at?” Everyone freezes. Only making it more awkward as they stare longer into Harry’s impressive… you know.  
(Now to Zayn who disappeared. Dumbass.)  
“Oh my god.” Zayn gasps as he scans his fit body from the reflection shown in the mirror. Every turn and every nude move he makes, makes him blush and… fully erect. He realises something, something so obvious to himself now that he gets a proper look, here, here in the maze/room of mirrors, here in the love cave.  
He loves himself.  
He loves himself so much that he doesn’t care if he were to die in this room of mirrors, trapped with his sexy and beautiful reflection. He loves himself more than anything or anyone. He loves himself way more than Louis or Niall or even Liam. There was no one more pretty, more loving or more understanding than himself. There is only one true soul mate for Zayn Jawad Malik and that man is Zayn Jawad Malik.  
“I love you.” He softly whispers, just when the four boys happen to come back after staring at Harry’s dingdong for long enough and deciding instead to search for Zayn.  
“Zayn! What are you doing!?” Harry squeals as he lays his eyes on Zayn jerking off to his own reflection. Zayn doesn’t stop. He can’t stop… He is so into it that he doesn’t realise that he was actually masturbating in the first place. He actually believes that it is all in his head and his hands literally just subconsciously grabbed a hold and began tugging. Right there in front of the mirrors and in front of the other four boys in the band as Zayn stares dreamily into his own gorgeous, long-lashed eyes.  
Harry strolls up to Zayn who was still staring at his own reflection. He tries to tug him away but he refuses to budge. The other boys try to help him as well, most eagerly Niall and Liam, but Zayn was glued to the ground. As the boys try to move Zayn again, the three angels puff into the room along with their huge, long staffs.  
“What do you think you boys are doing in here!?” One of the angels scolds, the other three echo the same sentence. Zayn ignores them since he is so lost in it, but the other four found themselves gawping yet again at the angels’ long staffs, totally fazed by the intenseness, when (thankfully) a dragon teleports into the mirror house.  
“RAWWWRRRRRR” The great dragon, Plumpkin, roars.  
“Everybody! Hop on! We need to get the fudge out of here!” Harry calls, pushing past the little angels with the giant staffs. He clambers messily onto the dragon reaching out for Louis’ hand, lugging him up onto the dragon behind him.  
Liam and Niall finally give up on retrieving Zayn from the mirror room and let go, only to be surprised when he poofs into a cloud of smoke disappearing from their sights. Liam swoops up the astonished Niall into his arms, carrying him bride-style onto the dragons back. “Harry, let’s leave! Now!” he screams, observing the angels crawl to their feet and pointing their staffs out towards them.  
The dragon charges forwards, but as it does the angels get mad! So very mad! Erecting their staffs up at the dragon they begin shooting a white, messy beam at the four boys making for an escape out the other end of the mirror maze/room.  
“Gross!” Louis whimpers wiping a thick, white, sticky substance from his face and eyes. “What the hell is the point of attacking us with this shit?” he flicks it to the floor.  
“What happened to Zayn?” Niall questions worriedly, still tucked up in Liam’s hold of him. “He exploded or something.”  
“Don’t worry ‘bout him chaps.” Harry smiles gingerly, looking back at the other three boys. “He’s completed his quest… I think he’s truly found love and is now back where he belongs.”  
The boys and dragon eventually come to what seems to be the end of the tunnel. A bright light shines at the end barely more than two hundred meters away. Their eyes widen in awe when Plumpkin takes flight into the open sky, finally escaping the mirror room and the dreaded angels with their striking staffs. They glance at the beautiful, blue sky, filled with perfectly fluffy cotton candy clouds and rainbows made of flying-poptart-cat shit. They begin to approach a flock of flying, orange penguins (they caught Harry’s eye).  
“Greetings puny humans.” The king black penguin, Batsmaru welcomes -sounding uncannily like an evil, British mastermind Harry once knew- as he flies alongside the dragon with his flock of fluorescent subjects. “We are the kingdom of super awesome, flying, talking penguins.”  
Liam grabbed out a shotgun filled with rock salt bullets (from god knows where) and planted a headshot right between the king’s eyes and he shoots down the rest of the flock before Batsmaru even drops. Bubbles gushing out from their wounds as they fall heavily to the ground and out of the sky.  
“…”  
“…uh…”  
“…um. Hmm...”  
“What?” Liam shrugs, looking quizzically at the distraught few before him.  
“Anyway…” Harry clears his throat loudly. “We are approaching our next destination. NARNIA!!!!!!”  
And as their eyes widened madly they peered over at the land of ice, trees and snow. Their naked skin became suddenly really cold.  
As Plumpkin lands on the snow covered land, fluorescent coloured penguins fall from the sky. Liam smiles at the sight of penguins falling on top of Niall who was squealing at the birds, bubbles oozing out of the penguin’s dead, cold body.  
“EW GET IT OFF ME!” Yells a loud, obnoxious, unknown voice from the forest.  
Liam looks over to Louis who sits squatted at the floor. “Oh come one Louis, don’t be such a child. It’s just some dead penguins.” Liam rolls his eyes. Louis sits there, poking a dead penguin, fascinated by the weird blood.  
“OH MY GOD. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?” Cries the same voice from before (that for some reason the boys seemed to ignore the first time). The boys turn to see who the owner of the voice is, only to regret looking at… her? They’re not so sure what its gender is so let’s just call it ‘it’ for now. Its skin is white, as white as snow and its crown is made of ice spikes, the points sharp enough to stab through a penguin (because there is a penguin on its crown, dead, staked on it… HELP ME!!!). Its eyes scanned the still naked boys, surprisingly not freezing to death yet. It was about to say something but Liam interrupted it.  
“Sorry, my curiosity got to me but…” Liam cut it off. “Are you a male or a female?” He asks the thing. The other boys stare at the… shemale. It was obviously insulted and out of nowhere, a wand appeared in its hand. It was long, hard and cold. It began stripping, showing off what it has.  
“As you can see,” It jumped up and down, “I’m a male.”  
“And a very hot one indeed.” Niall agrees, goggling at it (I mean him). Liam slapped him.  
“I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME.” Yells Liam as he runs off into the forest, STILL FUKIGN NAKED. Niall stares off at the bare butt disappearing quickly into the dark, snowy tree land. Niall was pretty astonished at that sudden performance…  
Harry steps to the front and summoned a little fire. Ermagawd!!!!!  
“What do you want from us!?” He yells as he threatens him with the fire he has blaring on his hands. The Ice Person didn’t even flinch. Out of nowhere, Mr Gaylord the unicorn appears, stunning everyone.  
“NEEEIIIGGHHHH(WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN!?) NEIGH NEIGH NEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEIIIGGHHHHHH (I LOOKED EVERYWHERE!! AND WHY ARE YOU IN NARNIA!? NARNIA IS A DANGEROUS PLACE YOU IDIOTS!)” The unicorn waved its horn round and around until it formed a portal, no wait, not a portal…  
A black hole.  
The boys panicked and ran away, following Liam into the forest.  
“NEIGH!!! (WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING!?)” Yells the unicorn in frustration.  
The Ice person followed them along with his three little penguin zombies that he revived from the dead when the stupid unicorn came in out of nowhere. The boys ran as fast as they could, still naked, into the snowy land. They managed to catch up to Liam and for some reason, climbed a tree… probably to get away.  
“You know, this is one hell of a crazy adventure.” Niall blurts in panic.  
“No fucking shit.” Replies Louis.  
“So what now…” Liam stares down to the distant floor where the unicorn stands, awaiting them with his mini army of penguins (which became evil at some point).  
Harry leans back onto the trunk of the tree, getting comfortable and resting his hands behind his head. “Well… we’re obviously not going anywhere until they’re gone…”  
Niall’s stommy (cross between stomach and tummy, just because stomach sounds sophisticated and tummy sounds adorable) rumbles loudly. “Does anyone have something I could eat? I’m hungry.”  
“Your tummy is like a TARDIS, ain’t it Niall.” Louis chuckles, rubbing his hand in smooth patterned circles around Niall’s bellybutton.  
“Oh, here. How does Turkish delight sound?” The it, him, king, ice man says, pulling out a flask from amongst his hair. He twists open the lid and carefully pours a single drop onto the large branch of the tree they’re sat on. As the droplet hits the bark/wood/snow… nothing happens. Well apart from how the branch gets a little wet. “Shit. No, sorry. I guess I brought the wrong flask.” It leans in and sniffs it. “Yeah, no. This is the whiskey one.”  
“God.” Niall whinges. “So now what?”  
“We should play a game.” Suggests the recently acquainted ice, man, king thing. “I haven’t played a game with real people in forty-nine years.” Yes, the thing… sorry he, was older than he looked and that made Niall cringe at the thought of thinking for even a moment that it was good-looking, but Harry however became a little more taken aback by him.  
“What did you have in mind?!” Louis grins excitedly, hoping it would be something along the lines of spin the bottle or 7 minutes in heaven. Anything to do with snogging in a tree. Louis and Liam sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G. You know, Liam just ‘cause his name flows better with his. Totally not just ‘cause Liam’s the only one with an un-shrivelled up ding dong from the cold.  
“Truth or dare.” Harry suggests, giving Niall a small wink. “I’m sure that may help us on our quest, as well as be ultra fun.”  
“I’m sure it would be.” Niall flushes a dark red all the way to the tips of his ears. Liam frowns.  
“Truth or dare Boo Bear?” Harry smiles widely to Louis.  
He looks to Harry, then to Liam, then back to Harry seeming to contemplate his options. “Uh… I guess dare.” He answers eventually.  
“I dare you to push this ice guy off the tree.” Harry smirks madly, gesturing to the poor, misunderstood man.  
Louis complies, quickly shoving the thing off the branch, letting him fall to his doom to Mr Gaylord and penguins. The four boys look away with horror as he gets dragged off further into the snow forest by the evil flesh eating unicorn and brain-craving zombie penguins. “I guess that solves our problems about our getaway plan…” he chuckles. The other three boys chuckle back… Messed up fuckers just sent someone to their death… “Niallalator. Truth or dare?” Louis continues.  
“Err. Dare?” he decides, avoiding the possibility of all his secrets of his crushes and love life being revealed…. He had, after all, previously slept with four-fifths of the band.  
“I dare you to jump… after all it is the quickest way down.”  
“No!” Liam cuts him off. “He’ll hurt himself!”  
“I’m not a baby Liam.” Niall pouts, turning to look over the branch to the thick-snow covered floor. “I can take care of myself.” Niall inches forwards, tipping slowly preparing to take the jump.  
“Niall!” Liam calls out, reaching for Niall’s hand, but his wrist slips out of his grasp as he falls. Without thought Liam jumps after him, and for some reason the floor gets further away, giving Liam time to catch up to the falling boy and he takes him into his arms, using himself as a protective shield.  
They fall heavily to the ground, landing painfully into the bed of snow, Liam shrouding Niall from any damage.  
“Liam!” Niall pulls up to look down at him between his hands and knees, his cock brushing slightly on Liam’s lower stomach. “Why?! I told you I could look after myself.” He complains worriedly, fearing Liam’s well-being seeing as though he took the blow as well as Niall’s weight. Niall hoping he could take at least another sort of blow later. “I can take care of myself.”  
“Well, I don’t want you to…” he groans from under Niall. “Let me.”  
“But… but why?” he stutters on the edge of tears.  
“Isn’t it obvious?” Liam smiles up at him, reaching up and wrapping his hand behind his nape, pulling him down towards his face. “Because I love you. You idiot.” Clenching the back of his blonde, brunette-rooted hair in his fist he drags him in to kiss him, their lips smacking wet and lovingly against one another’s. They engaged for a long time… a VERY long time. They wouldn’t let go of each other’s lips, not even to take a breath. Luckily, they stopped for a moment stare at each other with lusting, compassionate eyes.  
“I love you too, dumbass.” And as soon as he finishes his sentence, they disappeared. Leaving behind a staff and… rainbows? Anyways, they disappeared. Poof!  
“What the- Where did they go?” Asks Louis in confusion. Harry sits there and turns his head to look at him.  
“We’re the only ones left…” Harry mutters under his breath, making sure that Louis could also hear him. They looked at each other and then turned back to look as the unicorn and his penguin army returned. They are still devouring pieces of the poor, very dead, ice man. Harry grabs Louis’s wrist and summons a small cloud. “We should leave.” They both hopped on to it (Well Harry drags Louis onto it) and they were off on a new adventure!  
The wind brushes by their face and their ding dongs, Louis tightly holds on to Harry’s waist, afraid that they’re going to fall off anytime soon. Harry smiles to himself, seeing this as an opportunity to make a move on him, he un-summons the cloud and soon they are falling to their death.  
“WHAT THE FREAKING FFUCCCKKKKKKKKKKkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!” Yells Louis in terror. Harry just keeps on smiling like the fucking idiot he is and turns around to face Louis (AS THEY BOTH FALL! STILL FUCKING NAKED!!).  
“We will die in this world together… We’ll be here, in this mystical land forever… MUAHAHHAHHAH!!” And now, Harry is officially a maniac. And Louis is stuck with him, forever. Oh no… Actually if they were going to die then wouldn’t they just die???? How on earth would that mean they could be together??  
“Harry! If we’re dead we can’t fucking be together! I do not love you if you try to fucking kill me!” he screams in a panic.  
And luckily at that exact moment Plumpkin comes along and swoops them onto his back, saving the day. Carrying them back high into the sky he rawrs sexily.  
“Harry!” Louis groans. “You’re a douche… If it wasn’t for Plumpkin we would be dead.”  
“I just want you to love me.”  
“I don’t know if I can. You did try to kill me after all.”  
“Then,” Harry’s eyes turn dark, “we shall fight to the death.”  
“What?!” he screeches, but realizes it’s too late. He finds them approaching some other kind of forest. This one not snowy. It’s in the middle of there where Plumpkin wriggles them off his back and forces them to fall just a few meters to the ground.  
“Happy Hunger Games.” Harry grins manically stepping up to his feet. “And may the odds be ever in your favour.”  
Louis looks away from Harry, taking a glance at his surroundings. He realizes he’s standing upon a platform with Harry beside him on another. And then another person beside him, and another, and so on. Twenty-four random people he was pretty sure he’d never seen before stood with the two of them all on their own platform, all in a circle, and all looking scared as fuck. He realizes that as they stand they’re already in the middle of a countdown.  
“Harry! What the hell is this??!” Louis yells to him, but Harry shushes him with a finger placed lightly over his mouth.  
12… 11… 10… 9… 8… 7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1  
And with that they were off. Well everyone but Louis. He stands frozen at the platform watching amongst the calamity of it all. The panicky rush of people sprinting around like ants.  
One by one, the people die as they try to reach for the bags which seem to contain goods essential for survival and also weapons just a little further from. One girl, with the appearance of someone barely out of their single digits is stabbed to death by a boy who looks no older than eighteen. After proper observation Louis starts to see that he’s the oldest there, although you wouldn’t tell because he was the only one keeping out of this death and cruelty. The young, weaker looking ones were targeted first, the ones who couldn’t think it through or fight back. It was terrifying.  
“This is crazy!” Yells Louis in frustration, still very, very, very naked. The other tributes turn look to him, wondering where he came from. For a few seconds they were confused, but then decided that he is not needed in this game and would be better off dead, after all there was no way someone who would try to catch the attention of them all would last. Watching their eyes turn into a deadly gaze, Louis decides it’s probably time to run for his life into the forest, keeping hidden in amongst the trees.  
Louis finds his way to a small cave type thing. It’d been a while, maybe a few days, since he saw any living people (apart from the ones who almost killed him). Keyword there was living, but as he stepped deeper into this cave thing he stumbled upon two people that he’d recognized from the start, two boys, both blonde, both rather attractive. They were rather curled up and let’s say… busy. Either way Louis thought he should probably have left because one way or another staying wasn’t exactly a good idea. One, because everyone seemed to want to kill each other in this competition or whatever it was, and two, Louis was still naked and watching two hot blonds getting it on wasn’t exactly helping with his sexual urges he’s been having recently. Must’ve been all the adrenaline, tension and the inability to take it out on anyone that has made him so horny of recent.  
But as he turns quietly to sneak out of the cave he bumps into something. Pulling away and looking up to this thing, he realizes it’s his very own, gorgeous Harry Styles. “Oi! Peeta! Cato! Scram! This love nest’s been occupied by you closet homos for way too long!” Harry yells aggressively looking around Louis.  
“Shit! It’s the freakin’ psycho wizard!” one of the two blondies screeches, wriggling out from under the other and pretty much sprints past them towards the exit.  
“Peeta!” the other (which I’m guessing would have to be this Cato) gets up to his feet, adjusts his pants, and then runs after the other blond. “Babe, come on! Wait up!.. I’ll tell Katniss if you don’t!”  
“Woah. Hazz, you scared me.” Louis grins, happy to see him. Three, two, one... Oh, yeah. Louis remembers. A fight to the death, Harry brought him here. With the recollection of this Louis’ smile dies down. “You bloody arsehole! Where the fuck have you been for the past ten days?!”  
“Been winnin’ the game baby.” He smirks, wrapping arms around Louis’ torso.  
“You could’ve got me killed by taking me here!” He grunts.  
Dragging Louis out of the cave and walking him back out into the open air. “It still amazes me that you’re still alive.” He says as the walk through the forest. It’s surprisingly quiet, no sound of death anywhere. Only the birds singing and the sunlight falling through the trees to the floor below.  
“How are we supposed to get out of here?”  
“By staying alive.” He tells Louis bluntly as grabs out his bow and arrow from god knows where, aims and fires at a person sleeping in a tree. How the fuck did he see that dude? Louis thought speedily. Louis was obviously not impressed and instead of praising Harry for his awesome wizardly power of randomly making arrows appear and killing people like a fucking assassin, he slaps him hard in the face. The palm of his hand stinging after the sudden, abrupt contact of his cheek.  
“DUDE! How could you kill a person so cold heartedly like that!?” Louis shrieks in disgust. Harry simply ignores his question and they both continue to stroll in the forest. A game is a game after all and if those were the rules then those were the rules.  
Louis has to admit, it had been a hell of a long time since they got this kind of ‘vacation’. If you can really call it a vacation. It was important that they had a rest from their usual jobs. Louis begins to open his mouth thinking of maybe thanking Harry for this opportunity, but as he squeezes out the first syllable he’s suddenly disrupted by a rustle through the bushes. Both his and Harry’s eyes snap over to where the sound originated from and they see a girl.  
“Katniss..” Harry murmurs in shock. Katniss happening to be the strongest competitor in the competition and the love interest of Peeta (bullshit! *snickers*), but that wasn’t really the reason why the boys were so shocked and terrified to see her. There stood behind her the sworn enemy, Mr Gaylord the unicorn. They began to fear for their lives.  
“NEIIGGHHH!! (This girl understands me!) NEIEIIEEIEIEIEIIIIIEEGGGHHHHHhhhh (It’s an amazing feeling! I’m getting all horny!)” Gaylord chants. And so, horns grow all over the unicorn’s body. How could it get any weirder looking? Bet you weren’t expecting a spiny echidna unicorn with horns for freaking spines. Harry and Louis both stare in astonishment at the horrific beast. That’s about where they realise Katniss is charging towards them. Although, Harry being the awesome being he is, effortlessly flies slightly up into the sky carrying Louis along with him dodging her attack.  
“Oh shit please no more flying fuck fuck fuck.” Louis whinges. So much reckless flying in the last week was beginning to make him feel sick.  
They continue to fly across the forest, without Louis’ opinion being any concern of Harry’s, and land on top of a tree away from all of the havoc below. From above there they are clearly able to observe people killing each other. Another girl dies, then a boy, and another and another. From that point there was only five tributes left in the game, Peeta, Katness, Cato, Harry and Louis (screw whatever happened to Mr Gaylord). And fuck it. Louis hated the fact that he was one of the last one’s standing. This is where shit gets serious.  
“Attention all tributes. Congratulations for making it this far into the game.” Claudius Templesmith’s voice booms out over and throughout the forest. “There has been uh, a rule change in the games. Under the new rule the two tributes left standing at the end of the game may both be declared the winners, if they are in fact in love.” With the pause of astonishment through all the tributes Claudius repeats the announcement in case none of them understood. “May the odds be ever in your favour.”  
“Let’s go.” Harry grins excitedly and drags Louis along with him, hopping down from the safety of that particular tree. Harry was almost too disturbingly eccentric about this terrible deed. Taking the lives of obviously young teens. In what way did their lives mean more than the other three randoms in the game.  
“Where are we going!?” Louis complained, trying to resist Harry’s drag. But with this recent announcement, Louis thought, does this mean Harry wants us to win together? Is he therefore in love with me?  
“We’re goin’ ta kill some kids.” Harry replies smugly. Louis gulps with his cheeks flushed and at some point ends up loosening up and allowing Harry to tug him along beside him instead of being forced. Louis was almost certain that this was Harry dragging him to his imminent death, but he trusted him with his life.  
Ahead of themselves, they unexpectedly see Katniss threatening Peeta with her bow pulled back and an arrow pointed right between Cato’s eyes. So much fear in those glistening eyes. Peeta trembled beside, watching his boyfriend-ish staring at his possible death being held in his girlfriend-ish’s hands. Louis began to think that this game was going to be easier to win than he thought. Likely possibility Katniss kills Cato, Peeta kills Katniss , and then through guilt and grief Peeta kills himself, or at least is in so much despair that he lets Haz kill him instead.  
“You’re meant to like me! I LOVED YOU PEETA!” Katniss yells in the dark, misty night (yup, it’s night, screw logical time… there’s obviously no such thing), “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!?! If you don’t break it off with Cato-fucking-gay-faggot then I’ll kill him!”  
“I’m sorry Katniss, just… Don’t.” Peeta pleads heroine-like. “We all can win this, together! All three of us in love… somehow. Screw the other two. We can beat them together.”  
“Why the hell do you want this bastard alive as well, huh?!” she snarls.  
“Because…” Before Peeta can finish his sentence, Louis and Harry interrupt by coming to the rescue! Sort of… kind of… not really, they just... ‘come’.  
“Oooooooooohhhhh, couple fight couple fight!” Harry sings in excitement. Louis just shakes his head in disappointment of this stupid kid he calls his best friend. Ruining the moment where Peeta was obviously going to confess his love. Touchy scene completely ruined.  
And for some reason Katniss loses her balance and falls backwards, dropping her bow and her head crashes against a rock, splitting it gorily in half, skull cracked and brain spewing. Harry startled her more than expected. Probably…  
“Holy shit.” Louis gasps, Harry does the same. She just randomly died in a gruesome way without anyone even laying a finger on her. Talk about clumsy.  
Peeta and Cato however react in a rather inappropriate way to Katniss’ death. You’d think that Peeta at least would give off at least some sort of grief. Katniss meant everything to him before Cato came along (he found a man who was even more sexy than her and more importantly he didn’t want to use his love for his benefit). She was from the same district after all, wasn’t there at least some sort of loss??  
“That’s what you get for coming in between our love. Peeness, Katpee seriously? What kind of fanpairing name is that!?” He scoffs.  
Cato doesn’t care much of the death. Cato smiles gleefully and leans in to plant his lips firmly onto Peeta’s. (OOOHHHHHHOHOHO! TOUCHY SCENE BEING CREATED!!). He pulls away gently from Peeta’s kiss and opens his mouth to whisper “I lo-”  
But yet again they are disturbed by the same voice of Claudius that resounded in the woods loudly. (Awwww! Gawd damn it!….) “Greetings to the final four contestants of the Seventy-fourth annual Hunger Games… The earlier revision has been revoked. Closer examination of the rule book has disclosed that only one winner may be allowed.” He says. “Good luck, and may the odds be ever in your favour.”  
“What?!” Cato spits out angrily. Really it was obvious that all of this was outrageous. Even Louis was pissed. He legitimately wanted to leave this crap hole with Harry. And in a way he really wanted Cato to be off with Peeta to live their happy-sappy forbidden love life in the outside world. “Fuck you!”  
“Cato!” Peeta cries out, taking him by the hand and holding him back into him. “It’s okay. Just kill them and then me… I want you to live.”  
“Don’t be so fuckin’ selfish Peet!” he shouts with tears streaming down his face, dripping from his chin. Pulling away from his grasp he weeps into his hands, Louis and Harry watching on. “How the hell do you think I’m supposed to live without you?!”  
“I’m sorry, but… you can.”  
“How?” Cato disrupts. “Tell me babe! How the hell would I survive?!”  
“I KNOW YOU BLOODY WOULD CATO!..” Peeta breaks. Of course he would. The love for each other that they shared was so clear. You could probably see it from miles away. “It was obvious from the start… I’ve always loved you more.”  
“Oh shut up!” he slaps Peeta hard in the face. “You don’t fricking know a thing!”  
“Oh really!?” He snickers with false amusement. “I was the one who said it! I told you I loved you and you chuckled! You chucked in my face Cato!”  
“I was embarrassed!” he responds, loosing contact with his eyes. His face goes a prominent crimson red, and at that point Louis begins to feel sick in the stomach just watching their ultimate homosexuality and cutesiness. “When the guy I love so much tells me he loves me I freak okay! I’m just a kid! I only laughed because I was scared, and happy, and every single emotion at the same time! You cannot tell me you love me more! If you did end up off with Katniss-!... I don’t know. I wouldn’t be able to let her have you. I couldn’t see anyone else have you but me… I do love you Peeta. I have since the first moment you joined up with our alliance. You have no idea how much I wanted to say it back then in the cave, when we were alone for those days. You just had me all flustered.”  
Peeta smiles, flushed, confused and so overjoyed. “I’m happy now, Cato. I’m happy, even if I die right now.” He reaches out and cups his cheek in his palm.  
“Here.” Cato lifts his hand showing Peeta some berries that he’d almost accidentally ingested earlier. Dark, poisonous berries, nightlock. “We could.. you know. Do it together?”  
Peeta nods frantically, with tears and fear in his eyes. “Just one… last… kiss?” and with that sentence they meet their lips halfway slipping their tongues freely into each other’s mouths and making the shit out of each other.  
“Well this is gonna take a while…” Harry snorts, taking a slight glance and then he looks away to give them a little privacy.  
Louis cringes at the lovey-dovey sight, but at the same time he ponders over the love those two share and wonders why he can’t experience that kind of heart-warming dedication. He looks up at Harry Styles, the man of wonder, a wizard and possibly a person who needs to be sent to the mental institution as soon as they get back home. IF they ever get home. Harry turns his head to see Louis staring back, ducking his head away sharply Louis tries his best to hold the red cheeks back, but fails. Instead he thinks of his glowy-green eyes and plump, pink lips.  
“I did tell you I was a wizard right?” Harry questions with his smirk on his face stretching from one ear to the other. “I sorta should’ve mentioned I put a little spell on you. I can kinda read your mind.”  
“You what?!”  
“That aside…” Harry sighs, turning to stop Louis in his tracks. “I just wanted to say. Me too. I’m in love with you, and all these little things.”  
“Did you just quote our song in the wrong context Hazza?” he responds awkwardly, still processing and not accepting this sudden, not that sudden confession.  
“Shut up.” He slaps him affectionately on the back. “I’m just trying to tell you that you’re everything to me.”  
Louis peeks out of the corner of his eye to Harry. He looks to his blushing face and realizes that he’s been dancing around this guy since the moment they met for the first time in that Xfactor bathroom. “I never knew.” He chokes up on tears of glee.  
They walk towards each other, slowly and carefully as if the ground beneath them as if it’s as fragile as thin ice. Louis’ heart pounds and his knees weaken. He begins to regret all of those times he’s ever denied his feelings and all the times he’s ever disregarded Harry’s signs as nothing. Louis Tomlinson was in love with a wizard and he was prepared to shout it out to the world.  
“I love you Harry Edward Styles.” Louis meaningfully breathes the words for the first time from between his lips and even Harry’s name seems to sound different when he hears himself say it.  
“I love you too Louis William Tomlinson.” And with that they seal their love with a sweet kiss. Their mouths fit together like a puzzle and as Louis begins to run his hand through Harry’s curly locks they disappear in a cloud of sparkly, rainbow coloured smoke.  
(Back to Cato and Peeta)  
“Where’d they go?” Peeta wonders, bewildered by this cloudy, gay pride smoke.  
“I don’t know…. But it doesn’t matter. This year there shan’t be a winner…” Cato lifts his hand with the berry brushing up against his lips. Peeta does the same with tears in his eyes and as they open their mouths-  
“STOP! STOP!” Claudius’ voice rings out suddenly from the hidden speakers. “Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to present the homo victors of the Seventy-fourth annual Hunger Games, Cato something-a-rather and Peeta Mellark!”  
-  
Just like that, The Completely Random Sexual Tension Of One Direction is complete. Through their adventures they each have discovered their own true loves, who turned out to be the boys right in front of themselves. Harry and Louis were happily married just two weeks later at a beautiful beach, and later adopted baby dragons. Only somewhere along the lines they found themselves divorced after Harry found Peeta in their bed, however that was a terrible misunderstanding and only weeks later they got remarried. Niall and Liam only grew closer and became king and queen of Narnia to live in a castle where they spend their Saturday nights playing princess. Zayn just stares into a mirror, wanking at himself, by himself, day in day out, only breaking for sleep. Certainly was a weird, but accomplished quest, they were happy. And still in the end, they’ve never bothered getting dressed.  
Cato and Peeta grow old together, escaping their districts to fulfil their love for eachother. They lived in the mountains in peace and isolation. Cato, although not previously wanting kids, ended up getting knocked up by Peeta only to have three children whom were loved very dearly.  
-The end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


End file.
